with this ring……..

I’ve been waiting for this moment for so long
An answered prayer, I know you are the one
I give to you my heart and soul 
With a love that will never grow old

In my life, I can see 
That you were made for me
You’ll be there to catch me if I fall
All the days, I have prayed
And the love that I have saved
With this ring, I’m giving you my all

I thank God for the gift He has given me
A love that’s strong for all of eternity
I give to you all my days
With a love for all of your ways

In my life, I can see 
That you were made for me
I’ll be there to catch you if you fall
All the days, I have prayed
And the love that I have saved
With this ring, I’m giving you my all

In the days that we grow old
The times may change but our love will remain
As we look back on this day now
We stood the test of time
Living the promise of our vow

In my life, I can see 
That you were made for me
I’ll be there to catch you if you fall
All the days, I have prayed
And the love that I have saved
With this ring, I’m giving you my all...

go here to listen to the awesome song

Words and Music: Anthony W. Carter

Random catch up

I have been a little less than faithful with my blogging lately. I have been sick – a stinking rotten cold, then laryngitis kicked me hard, and I am still coughing like a 90 year old woman who has been smoking all of her life. I am also trying to put this wedding together at the same time as “resting” so I can feel better. It would sure be nice to have family that lived here in the same place as I do – it would take some of the pressure off me, I guess. But that’s just the way it is. I am more than blessed that my family are making the effort to join us for our simcha. Montreal in February – I would forgive anyone who didn’t want to come to this frozen tundra in the coldest month of the year. But the family wants to celebrate with us, and I love them all the more for it.

 

Missing my KoD really bites – but missing him makes it even better when we see each other. If just thinking of his lovely smile warms my heart, imagine what seeing it in person feels like. Sigh – I love being in love.

 

I have sorted out bridal wear for the wedding, which is a huge relief. I promised the rebbetzin it wouldn’t be red, and luckily it isn’t! I am not giving any details except that it is stunning and will totally knock the KoD’s socks off when he sees me at the end of that aisle. (mind you I could probably wear a brown grocery sack and knock his socks off…) (I am still trying to find a source that says I don’t have to wear a veil…..anyone?)

 

I am getting fed up of people telling me that I cannot have the kids at the wedding, or that I can only have them there for parts of it. I have consulted competent halachic authorities as well as psychologists, and we have made the informed decision that the kids should there. My boys cannot wait to be there, they want to hold the chuppah. There is no halachic inyan whatsoever preventing them from being there. So they will be there, so there! Put that in yer pipe and smoke it. I am not making any excuses to anyone.

 

I have been told that there is no processional to the chuppah. It’s my wedding and I will make an entrance. Come on, peeps, you know me, is it like me to do anything quietly without fanfare? The truth is though, at this point, I just want to marry my KoD. I just want to be his missus and start our married life together, and ride off into the sunset on a custom built pink Harley with a Betty Boop design…(A gal can dream can’t she?)

 

I think first time around there was so much emphasis on the dress, the food, the flowers, the photographer – all the little details that really don’t enhance the actual marriage. This time I totally understand the work involved in sustaining a good marriage – the accoutrements of the wedding are just not that important. Yes I want to look nice, I want KoD to look spiffy – but I could do jeans and sneakers on the beach under a chuppah and be just as happy. (ok maybe that’s a stretch, but you get the point).

 

KoD continues to blow me away with the depth of his love for me. I had a disturbing event to deal with last week that freaked me out, had me totally panicked – and me, big-strong-independent-“I don’t need anyone”-me, I needed him. He rose to the occasion, calmed me down and gave me a wonderfully non biased perspective on the situation with no false platitudes. By the time I was through talking to him a major crisis had turned into a blip that had to be weathered, but was not a disaster. It’s so new for me to trust someone – but I love that I can trust him and I love that I know he is always there for me. I hope he knows I am always here for him, no matter what. I’m sure he does.

 

I am working on some ideas for future posts, but who knows when I will have time to post them – keep checking back, I will do my best to update regularly.

 

Shavuah Tov y’all, have a wonderful week.

Wedding help – please?

I spent much of the last few days getting things into place for my wedding to the KoD. It is less than six weeks to go, and the major things are sorted out – hall, caterer, invitations. There are just the niggling little details left to do – where are the out of town people going to stay, how is everyone going to get to and from the hall, seating plan, photography, make up, rings etc. And the dress, oy vey, don’t get me started on the dress. Right now as it stands I am going down the aisle in a bathrobe….

 

I decided not to go with floral centerpieces on the tables for the reception as it does seem rather pricey. Does anyone have any ideas what else we could do as centerpieces that is cheap and cheerful but not tacky? I am also not going to hold a bouquet. Apparently in a religious Jewish second wedding there isn’t a processional as such, so there doesn’t seem much point. Apparently no music at the chuppah either. So my whole idea of the boys carrying me on a golden litter (remember what Celine Dion did at her vegas wedding?) to my KoD – not going to happen. I will leave the camels at home too! I will just walk to the chuppah with my boychikles around me, and that will be that.

 

One of my sons wants to read out our fairytale at the reception – I think it’s a cute idea, but will the guests? (if he does I will totally edit it to update it). I also want to make a speech – so not done for the bride to speak at religious Jewish weddings, at least in my circles. But I am not one for toeing the line, as we all know. Shall I limit the number of speeches? How does one decide who gets the Sheva brachot under the chuppah, and who at the meal? Is one honour less than the other?

 

Any other wedding help you can give me? Not that I am panicking or anything – there is still plenty of time left for that. first family members due to arrive in 5 weeks. No problem, right?! Right!

Tacky – yea or nay?

So, we are in the throes of planning our wedding. There is less than six weeks to go. (panic panic). This is the week that I hope to mail out the invitations. Now, we are making a very small wedding – close family and close friends only. An interesting point was raised recently that maybe because it is a small wedding I could email the wedding invitations. Another person thought that emailing wedding invitations was tacky, even though it is good for the environment. After much discussion the KoD and I decided to do snail mail, but to have RSVPs by phone or email.

 

I am curious as to what you think…….

2008 retrospective

I started writing a look back at the year that was, but the first draft ended up being a play by play of the guys that I dated. I should be blushing here, right, but I will not. I was on a quest to find my prince charming and I guess that was my main focus of this year. Those of you who read all the Frumster Files  (including the deleted ones) know a lot of what I experienced.

 

After many disappointments, and some close calls, this year on Rosh Hashannah my davenning was to ask Hashem to send me what he felt was right for me at this point in my life. I honestly didn’t think He would be so quick in responding.

 

As I look back on 2008 I want to thank every guy that I dated / went out with / conversed and emailed with. You were all a necessary step on my road to finding my King of Diamonds. Ok a few of you I would like to have stepped completely over or on you, but I didn’t get that choice. I learnt something from each and everyone of you – some things about men in general, some things about myself, my likes and dislikes, my preferences, what I will or will not settle for. There were a couple of you that were really close to be the One – but you didn’t make the final cut….oh well, such is life.  (At this point I would like to say that I didn’t settle for anything less than the very best – and I am so blessed)

 

This was the year of finding my beshert, my beloved future husband, the King of Diamonds. He proposed in front of my children, with tears sparkling in his eyes…sigh….I love sharing our story – so read it again here.

 

This was also the year in which we celebrated the barmitzvah of our eldest son, together, in true blended family tradition – with everyone getting along and being there for our son’s moment in the spotlight. Read about it here.  Son – you did me proud and I am so honoured to be your Ima. I still think back fondly to that weekend – such great positive memories. My fave – when you started speaking about me in your speech and your voice broke, and the whole hall cried with you. My chance to speak – well, that was icing on the cake. Read my speech here .

 

This year I took my eldest son to Israel and introduced him to his country. I was so priviliged to be able to do this, and the memories will live on in both of us forever. My prayer at the kotel. Some holiday musings .

 

I started working outside the house this year, I blogged about it here  and while it was a big adjustment, I would not trade it for the world. To have people to converse with during the day, about important matters, and not just about groceries and kids – that’s a priceless experience. And to get paid for it – what a bonus!!

 

I made a bunch of new friends this year and enjoyed “old” friends too– you have enriched my life more than you can ever know. I hope our friendships continue to go from strength to strength.

 

I also started blogging this year. First month of blog here . It has been one of the most rewarding experiences I have had to date. I have always been one to have something to say, and the idea that there are people out there actually interested in what I have to say just continues to blow my mind!

 

I bought a blackberry  and joined the dark side. I started tweeting too – if you haven’t used twitter.com yet – hop on over there and sign up. This has been an invaluable real time tool for me to advertise my blog, to find out what’s going on in the world, and with my own people. Warning –it can be a little bit addictive if you let it. Note to all who asked – I will not be live tweeting my wedding – that’s been done already…thanks SGR for taking that pressure off me!!

 

I gave up coffee three times this year. Every time I was so impressed with myself. I went without coffee for 3 long months at one point. Everyone (except my stomach) is so much happier with me back to drinking my daily caffeine. Some things are just not worth giving up. Caffeine makes me a better mother – it’s the sacrifice I am willing to make. (of course the fact that I love it very much doesn’t hurt ).

 

My message for you all in 2009 is don’t give up on your dream. Sometimes you may have to tweak it a little, refine and reshape – but don’t give up. You never know what life has in store.

 

So my motto for 2009 is this “all will be fine in 2009”.

My personal Tikkun Olam

Is it just me, or do other brides out there have this insane need to put the world to rights before they walk down the aisle to join in holy matrimony with their beloved?

 

I have had this feeling for about nine months now, even before I met my King of Diamonds. But as you all know I was actively looking to find Mr Right (little did I know how right he would be, all the darn time…;-)…) and even tho I found a few Mr Wrongs (Oh how awfully wrong some of them were) and a few Mr RightNows – I knew the chuppah was nearby in my future.

 

We all know that nobody is perfect and we have all done things in the past that we are totally not proud of at all. Mostly we try to learn from our mistakes and move on. Sometimes it is necessary to rectify those mistakes – and that takes a huge amount of soul searching and self-honesty. Most of us are afraid to do that. I used to be, but no more. I am all about taking the bull by the horns and facing the music, painful as it might be.

 

I think there are some situations that we can never rectify – some people are just not meant to be in our lives. But I don’t think that means that we shouldn’t at least try.

 

It’s almost as if I just want the whole world to be as happy as I am when I say my vows…ok no vows in a Jewish wedding ceremony, but there should be. In fact I want to write my own ceremony but I have a feeling it won’t be well accepted. I don’t want anyone harbouring any negative thoughts or feelings about me – I need to get married knowing that everyone in my life, past and present, loves me, simply and truly.

 

Utopia is a wonderfully literate way of saying denial, isn’t it? Well, I guess I am living in my own Utopia, wanting everything to be sweetness and light. I can hope, I can try, I can darn well dream, can’t I?

 

When you were getting married did you have similar feelings and thoughts? Or were you just focusing on the wedding bit?

Pure decadence!!

I am off work for the next couple of weeks.Yay!  So I am allowing myself the luxury of turning off the ringer on the phone, shutting off the BlackBerry and going back to sleep. Yes, indeed. It is daylight and I am crawling back under the covers to sleep. I am BH not sick, just indulging in some pure decadence. When I awake I will take a bubble bath. This afternoon I will do some much needed laundry and housework, but for now I will pamper myself. It was an exhausting weekend, I need to recuperate.

 

The rest of the vacation will be devoted to wedding planning.

Dip n Dunk

Mikvah is a necessary part of the religious married woman’s life. I must admit to loving the whole idea of ritual purification, of being spiritually cleansed so that I can “be” with my spouse on different levels – physical, emotional and spiritual (and be able to hand him his darn supper plate ;-)).  When I was married previously I enjoyed taking the time to prepare for immersion, not just physically, but mentally. I also enjoyed the me-time I was able to snag that one night a month, to go to mikvah and get prepared there without any little people hammering on the bathroom door. (try taking a relaxing bath when the kids are yelling and running up and down and there are sounds emanating from the playroom that sound vaguely dangerous in nature……..)

 

Now that I am returning to the state of holy matrimony (yay!) it will once again be incumbent on me to use the mikvah. I am so looking forward to it. Now I bring a whole different mindset to the whole thing. Marriage takes on a different meaning once you have experienced the pain of divorce. Some people never recover enough to be able to trust again. I was so worried that I would be one of them. But KoD entered my life, THANK G-D, and enabled me to believe that I could trust again, he inspires me more than I ever thought possible to be a better person and a better Jewess. (Have I told you lately how awesome he is? <insert goofy grin here>)

 

So when I prepare for mikvah before my wedding it will be a true celebration – not only will I be cleansing my body and soul in preparation for my marriage to KoD, I will be renewing my sacred bond with the One Above, washing away the anguish and the sadness and the raw pain of the years that intervened between my last dunk and this one. I was always taught that the water of the mikvah isn’t there to wash away dirt, for we are physically clean before we enter it, but that it is there to wash away spiritual impurity. Water has tremendous healing qualities – I look forward to the sense of peace my immersion will bring me before my wedding. (read more about my mikvah experience here .)

 

Now the question is how do I get that sense of peace now, while I am planning the wedding??

Kallah Klasses

So, being a religious Jewish woman about to be married, there are laws of Family Purity that I will have to follow. Read more about it here. I learned these laws 15 years ago when I first got married (yes I was 12 then…. 😉 ) and these laws do not change.

 

Apparently it is necessary for me to relearn / revisit them. Now, I don’t mind refreshing my memory and re reading The Book (Tehila Abramov’s The Secret of Jewish Femininity). So imagine my shock when I was told to expect to pay around three hundred dollars for this refresher course. I didn’t pay a penny the first time around, and I knew nothing! This time I know it all (a little rusty, but hey, its like riding a bike, right?) yet I should still expect to pay.

 

I have been blessed to find a teacher who is willing to teach me for nothing, just to know that she is doing some good in the world. But I feel that I need to present her with something at the end of the three or four classes we will have had together. Any ideas? (I think to give this Eishet Chayil money would be to insult her.)

Tehillim List

I know that closer to the time I won’t remember to ask, so I am asking now. They say that a bride and groom have a closer connection to G-d on their wedding day, so when the chattan and kallah say tehillim for specific people, I guess it’s more of a direct line.

 

So if you wish to have us daven for you on our special day please let us know your Hebrew name and your mothers Hebrew name, and whether it is for shidduchim, children,  health, general well being, parnassah etc.

 

You can comment here with your info, email me at hadassahsabo at gmail dot com, I am also on twitter and facebook under my name – you can DM me, @ me, FB message me…..and I say I am not a technogeek………