This situation recently happened to a friend of mine and she wasn’t sure what to do. I thought I would poll you people and ask you what you would have done.


Said friend is single, on the dating scene and was recently introduced to a young fella. Soon after she received an email from this fella saying that unfortunately he was sitting shiva.


My friend wasn’t sure what she should do. She doesn’t know this guy at all, except for being introduced to him, but he is sitting shiva. Should she pay a shiva call – or does that say she found him interesting? Should she just email back and say how sorry she was to hear his news, she wishes him long life? What would be the right way to behave?

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10 responses to “A WWYD?

  1. I think making a call says she’s a caring person. She may not remember his name in two month, but that does make her look careless after all.

  2. I say always make the shiva call. It’s a mitzvah to comfort the mourner, regardless of the other circumstances in the relationship. She should go, bring food, not feel obligated to stay for a long time, and figure out what’s going on with them after the mourning process.

  3. My vote is to go make that shiva call. He just lost a family member. Don’t worry about what it may or may not imply.

  4. I would have sent condolences. A shiva call might be awkward unless he made it clear she was wanted.

  5. I would say send condolences via email. I agree it could be awkward. If she feels strongly about it and wants to pay a shiva call she should go with a friend.

  6. I’m on the make the Shiva call side. It’s an act of courtest, comfort, and respect.

  7. (Courtesy, not courtest… DUH! #fail…)

  8. Shiva call — it’s a mitzvah! They can talk about the implications that arise or don’t, after the fact. The shiva call is the important thing right now.

  9. Make the shiva call.
    It’s a mitzvah that provides untold solace.
    It doesn’t send any message other than that you are a “mentcsh”. 🙂

  10. I say make the shiva call as well. Having just sat shiva ourselves, I can tell you that we appreciated each and every person that came to our home – even those who we barely knew who came from our shul.

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