Pink Shirts

Can you settle something for me? Isn’t it true that real men wear Pink? Am I not being unreasonable by expecting my menfolk to wear pink if I buy it for them?

Kosher Kraziness

How is this even fair? I went grocery shopping today and even though I am not watching my weight I noticed the WeightWatcher bread. The one with kosher certification was 5.99 – the loaf without the certification was 3.29. Tell me, does it really cost that much to certify a loaf of bread as kosher?!! Keeping kosher has to be one of the most expensive mitzvoth – and it’s not something I regret doing, G-d Forbid, it’s just that sometimes it is so frustrating!

 

And why is it that Chalav Yisrael products invariably go off before their sell-by-date? I opened a container of cottage cheese last week, with a sell by date of June 13 2009. I went to the container for more today – spots of lime green mould. Icky icky icky.  I have been told that it’s the same with the milk too, but milk doesn’t last long in this house anyway, with 4 thirsty boys. What’s your experience?

 

Kosher eating is a way of life for me, always has been, always will, even with the terrible price gouging. People ask sometimes “isn’t it hard?” I like to answer the following way – if you had a food allergy and had to stick to a special diet, yes it would be hard, but in order to stay healthy you have to limit your diet. Keeping Kosher helps me stay spiritually healthy – that’s why it’s the diet for me.

Funerals

 

Thankfully I am not often required to attend funerals – most people in my age bracket are the same I would guess. But when I am planning to attend a funeral I know how to behave. Behaviour also includes the way one dresses too, in my mind.

 

I was just running errands and drove past the local funeral home, and people were streaming out. I was shocked at the number of people who had been wearing jeans or tight leggings along with low cut tops. This is a solemn occasion – not a visit to a nightclub – surely it isn’t too much to ask for people to dress respectfully. A dear friend or relative, or someone you care about, has passed away and you cannot even take 5 minutes to make sure you dress appropriately?

 

Maybe I am a stick in the mud, but if I knew I was going to meet the Queen or the President or the Prime Minister today I would definitely dress in a more conservative manner than usual – to show them respect. A funeral is as important an occasion, if not more so. I just feel these people show a distinct lack of respect for the dear departed. It bothered me deeply. Has the world come to such a place where nothing is holy anymore?

The Royal Bank of Ima

 

Hello and welcome to the Royal Bank Of Ima. How may I process your request?

For allowance press One

For lunch money press Two

For all other inquiries press Zero

 

*One is Pressed

Press 1 if homework has been done (I will know if you are lying)

Press 1 again if bed is made

Press 1 again if room is in order

Go back to your room and clean up and then call again, I know you are not being truthful.

DIAL TONE.

 

*Two is Pressed

Press 1 if this is the first request this week

Please enter the menu for the day

Press 1 if it is a balanced meal

Press 1 if you promise to have a vegetable too

 

*Zero is Pressed

I am sorry. The Bank of Ima has temporarily run out of funds because all her customers are bleeding her dry. Please try again later. Our advice to you before you try again – make sure all your clothes are in the hamper, your bedroom and bathroom are clean, your homework is done, your laundry put away, your teeth are brushed, you have made a fresh pot of coffee so you can serve a coffee to your Ima – if you have satisfied all these conditions you may find that there is a possibility of available funding.